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13 entries this month
02:55 Sep 27 2011
Times Read: 692
I don't understand how you can be in so much denial. Do you not see me? Maybe you just don't comprehend whats looking you right in the face. Maybe you just keep clinging onto the past like that's the way it will always be.
It's not. Stop and LOOK at me. Seriously and HONESTLY look at me. Do you not see the differences? Do you not realize that I am in a whole nother place because of the things that I have been through? Just because I LOOK fine does not mean that I am physically fine.
I just wish you'd SEE and not be so wrapped up in your own damn world. I get that you have a family and kids. I GET that.. BUT it cannot make you that blind.
Then again maybe it does and maybe I just keep wishing for something that will never happen.
00:44 Sep 24 2011
Times Read: 786
This is Faith.
Her username name on here is Punkie. I am sure many of you have come across her profile while rating. Faith was a joyous part of my life. We shared moments, smiles, tears and sorrow. She was a beautiful soul.
Punkie's life was cut short due to an auto accident. One moment she was here, the next minute she is being air lifted to a hospital because she is fatal. She left behind a family that loved her, a son that worshiped her and friends that cherished her.
You can read the obituary Here .
There is not a day that goes by that I don't mourn the loss of her in my life.
Now that brings me to what I really want to say-
I am so sick and tired of seeing these people fake dying on here. I am so sick of seeing people enabling the fake death and the person behind it. It's pathetic.
Do you realize that you are making a mockery of people who have actually passed away on here? That you are not only perpetuating this insane behavior but that you are also making yourself look foolish for believe it?
Let me be blunt-
I am pissed off. I see all these b.s. postings and it makes me angry. If you want to see believe it, then do it, but stop shoving the fabrication in peoples face and making a mockery of those who really have passed on.
It's amazing how when someone passes away, or in the many cases on here 'fake dies', people suddenly feel the need to make that person some kind of saint. Screw that... if you sucked while you were 'alive', then I am sure as hell you are going to suck when you make a new screen name and come back from the 'dead'.
I am just so sick of it. There are people out there who are actually grieving for a person, not some bullshittin death of a screen name.
If you come at me with opinions about this.. be prepared to be told flat out my thoughts. Do not try and put anyone into some falsified sainthood around me. I don't buy into your fantasy land.
19:10 Sep 19 2011
Times Read: 842
It will never be the same.
The thought makes me sad, but I've come to that realization. There is nothing to be done but move forward.
00:54 Sep 19 2011
Times Read: 865
I went to itch my leg today... and I noticed I have some newly formed 'battle' scars from my fun times Friday night.
I think this happens to be when I got up.. and then suddenly realized I was on the floor. -shifty eyes-
And I hope tonight I sleep. These past few nights have been horrible. I've just not slept. I look like I have enough luggage under my eyes for a years vacation.
01:38 Sep 17 2011
Times Read: 888
I have a bottle of the new Honey Jack Daniels.
I have a bottle of Disaronno.
I have a 12 pack of Mikes Hard Variety Pack.
Ohhh fun times to be had! Oh Yes, there will be fun times.
18:59 Sep 14 2011
Times Read: 919
My intuition has been odd the past few days. I keep getting this feeling that there is deceit some place. I don't know if it's with me or with someone I know.
It's been nagging me hard core and I don't know why.
I'm sure I'll find out.... most the time I do.
Total craziness.
01:14 Sep 14 2011
Times Read: 933
Okay.. I think I'm going to do a 'artsy Elviria-esque' makeup thingie.
I just need.. tooo.. get my ass in gear.
00:56 Sep 14 2011
Times Read: 938
I was thinking about doing some kind of artistic makeup thing tonight.
But.. I dunno. It sounds like fun..something artsy and neat.
-ponders-
18:36 Sep 08 2011
Times Read: 1,014
Stick a fork in me I am done
-I am done with all of this 'let's just assume' b.s.
-I am done with people thinking they know everything that goes on when they aren't involved.
-I am done with people who can't think for themselves.
-I am done with the whole people cannot handle a situation without being shitty and shady.
-I am done with games.
-I am done with the fact that people have issues and then can bring it to everyone else BUT ME, when the issue is WITH ME.
-I am done with people claiming to know me and then not knowing a damn thing about me and then making up some bullshit way they think I will react.
-I am done with you constantly invading my mind when it's clear that you don't give a shit.
(that's a whole nother issue at hand)
I am seriously just fucking done.
This is the reason as to why I was quiet and didn't interact with people for so long. Because it doesn't matter what you do, people will not be satisfied; it doesn't matter how nice you are, it doesn't matter the things you do, it doesn't matter what you say or if your actions prove it. It simply just does not matter.
You may see me on cam laughing and joking and smiling. The people I am friends with take away those moments of not being okay. They make me forget for a few hours that thing might not be okay. They make me look at the bright side for that length of time and enjoy those moments.
No, I am not okay. Yes, I am struggling with personal demons and battles that I do not share. Yes, I will tell you I am fine and dandy because I don't share my problems or my inner feelings about things. I am not comfortable being vulnerable because most the times you get dicked over.
I withdrawn on a personal level when things are not okay with me. I do not seek out private convos, I do not want help, I do not want any of that. I go into a personal seclusion and only talk within groups of people. It's easier to keep the face of "oh there is Moonie in all her happiness!". Yeah, because I am so happy all I do is poop butterflies, rainbows and fuckin' smiley faces.
I try to stay as good of a person as possible. I've let people run their mouth and say extremely shitty things about me and I've just blown it off because they were hell bent with some fucked up idea. I've smiled and nodded because it's just easier to walk away. I am so SICK and tired of it. I get tired of being the nice one and just letting things go. I do it because it's not worth the emotional strain it puts on me.
Maybe I am standing up for the wrong thing? Like keeping things secret that people tell me even if we part ways. Or sticking with some kind of loyalty even if there is a falling out. Or even telling the truth. Maybe those are all wrong things to stand up for. Maybe I should just start doing what I see tons of these people do with their bickering and battling and fighting and pasting of convos and telling others deep dark secrets? Or better yet.. keep putting my nose in business that doesn't involve me and fuck everything up! Oh Yes.. How much fun would that fucking be!
But you know what.. I won't do it because I am true to myself. While we are all hypocrites in certain ways, I will not go to those levels. I am far from perfect. I do not take my own advice. I do the wrong things, I say the wrong things, I react badly, I can say horrible things, but at least I try and break the cycle.
This entry is NOT directed at just one thing/person. It is a combination of numerous things I am just so done with. My anger has been teetering to the brink for a bit now.. and it got the final shove.
Take any of this as you will. If you internalize it, that's on you. It's not my fault anymore. I refuse to take the blame for something that isn't what I mean or what I said.
And please do not try and pacify with me with things will be okay, you're a great person.. etc. I don't want to hear it from people that barely talk to me. It makes me feel like I am getting my ass kissed. I don't want the wool to be pulled over my eyes. I respect the truth of "yeah, because you're a total bag of cunt' rather than someone covering up their feelings with "OH you are so wonderful how can anyone not like you!".
I'm just done.
18:19 Sep 05 2011
Times Read: 1,069
I am so sick of these messed up dreams. They cause me to be restless and it sucks. I wake up and I feel like I haven't slept at all.
Violence, people from the past, weird situations. They really just need to stop.
04:59 Sep 04 2011
Times Read: 1,089
I cannot stop brooding. It seems that there is just so much unanswered that it just keeps circling round and round in my mind. Moments it feels like it all just stops along with the thinking. Then a trigger and it's back to the same spiral of thoughts, wondering and brooding.
Certain things were so much easier when I was younger. You'd just laugh things off and walk away;
you didn't turn back, you didn't care, you just kept walking the other way without a care in the world.
I miss that. It would make times like these a lot easier.
22:11 Sep 03 2011
Times Read: 1,108
I should take different pictures for the dirty girl shoot. I have a different idea that might pull off better than the last ones I did.
I also need to redo my profile sometime this week. I am over it. I need something new.
06:26 Sep 03 2011
Times Read: 1,136
I wonder if you tell people how you really got it.. or if you just make up some lame story to cover up the fact?
I hope you enjoy it because it'll be a cold day in hell before that ever happens again. I bet none of them would have did it for you.
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COMMENTS
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Confusion
15:51 Sep 28 2011
I feel the same way
Niflheim
16:06 Sep 28 2011
I see you. :) ♥